


Seasonal Memories of You

by Tuttuttina (orphan_account)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst?, M/M, Seasons, reunited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-10
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-08-21 18:09:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8255369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Tuttuttina
Summary: He sees him again.The hurt in his chest is indescribable.





	1. Autumn

The first time Phil sees him again, it's fall. The leaves have slowly crumbled into themselves and left home in a flurry of red and brown. Only a few still cling desperately to their branches, quivering in the breeze. Most are spread across the ground now, slowly accumulating into piles or laying solitary between blades of grass, or swirling with the wind on the pavement.

It's one of the big piles that Phil stares at now, a warm coffee clutched between his gloved hands as he huddles further into his coat and sits on a park bench.

He's watching the couple rolling in the leaves, laughing and yelling happily.

The tall one, the one that reminds Phil suspiciously of _him_ , gathers a large amount of leaves in his arms and throws them onto the shorter boy's blond head, making him shriek and laugh so loud that Phil can barely hear a joyous "Dan, you twat!" that makes him sharply intake a breath of cool October air.

The blond shoves Dan -and Phil desperately wants it to not be Dan- down into the pile, and they wrestle, giggles bouncing through the crisp air and bringing tears to Phil's eyes.

He looks down at his boots and attempts to blink away the tears.  
When he looks up again, the couple is out of the leaf pile, still giggling, but walking towards him.

_The wind pushes into them, and Phil leans into it desperately, trying to go impossibly faster as he drags Dan along by the hand. "Phil come on!" Dan says, "Let's just sit down for a while, okay? Its not like it matters that much if we're late" Phil frowns at Dan, but he slowly smiles as he sees the pout his boyfriend is giving him, so he simply rolls his eyes, leading them to the nearest park bench. They sit down, hands intertwined. Dan leans over to Phil, so he meets him halfway with a soft peck on the lips. Dan smirks, "As nice as that was, I was getting a leaf out of your hair, not kissing you." Phil blushes, but Dan just leans into his side, and they both burst out laughing._

Dan and the blond walk happily, past him without acknowledgement, and on towards their destination.

That night, Phil wonders, in between stifled sobs, what their destination could be, what their future is.


	2. winter

Apparently their future consisted of skating in mid-December.

The leaves were long gone, replaced with bitter, biting, snow, and the latte had been replaced with something stronger to keep Phil warm.

Sometimes he manages to force the memory of Dan in October out of his mind, but it's coming back in full force as he watches the very same couple glide across and ice-skating rink.

He probably should be watching his friend's child, whom he had volunteered to look after as she Christmas shopped, but instead he was transfixed on the duo skating on the ice.

They weren't professionals, by far, but there was something beautifully graceful in the way they skated side by side, wobbling slightly and using the walls of the rink for balance.

As Phil watched, the blond slipped and fell onto Dan, effectively knocking them both down into a giggling mess.

Phil tried to control his jealousy, but he couldn't hold back the memories of when he was happy, when he had a good relationship.

_"Dan! Come on! Please build a snowman with me!" he pouted._

_"It's too cold, Phil, let's just stay in and watch anime" Dan rolled his eyes in answer, from his position in front of the TV._

_"But it's the first snow! We have to build a snowman!" Phil begged, a small pout playing at his lips._

_Dan looked at him, contemplating, before sighing, "Fine, but afterwards we're going inside, cuddling on the couch, and not going outside for a week"_

_Phil smiled triumphantly, threw a glove at his boyfriend, and merrily exclaimed, "Deal! Get ready you spork!"_

_They got dressed in all of their winter gear, down jackets, snow pants, gloves and hats, and they built a snowman, not particularly caring if they seemed like toddlers._

_They rolled three large snowballs, stacked them, decorated it, and when Phil put the final pebble to form a smile, Dan shouted, "We're done! Tokyo Ghoul here I come!" and ran out of the small park, in the direction of their apartment building._

_In all his glory, he slipped on a bit of ice and fell, face first into a snow drift._

_Phil chuckled and helps Dan up, kissing his frigid lips, and they headed back home, laughing._

The couple has gotten up now, and after a quick peck, they've resumed skating, and Phil is, as he's found himself doing a lot more lately, fighting back tears.

He's brought out of his misery by a small shout of "Philly!" and he turns to see Darcy, the kid he's babysitting, ready to go skating, "Are you ready?"

Phil smiles. He's always loved children, "Just a minute Darcy, I've got to tie my shoe"

He finishes lacing his skates, and he walks to the entrance of the rink, takes Darcy's small, gloved, hand, and they step onto the ice.

For a six year old, Darcy's surprisingly good at skating, skidding and sliding all over the ice, but miraculously staying upright.

It's when she's showing Phil how fast she can go that she falls, legs swept under her and landing on her bum.

Phil grimaces and skates over to where she fell, gently murmuring, "You okay?"

There's tears pooling in the girl's eyes, but she nods in answer, so Phil pulls her to a standing position.

He's about to suggest they take a break from skating and get a hot chocolate when a familiar voice speaks from behind him, "Is she okay? That was a pretty bad fall,"

Phil spins in surprise, coming face-to-face with his past.

He sees Dan register him and he notices how his deep, chocolate eyes fill with recognition.

Dan is probably about to say something, but Phil interrupts, "Yeah, she's alright, we were just about to go, thanks for asking"

With a curt nod and furious blinking to keep the tears at bay, Phil takes Darcy's hand and they skate off of the rink.

The rest of the day, as he sips hot chocolate with Darcy, even after he's returned her to her mother, he can't get those brown eyes out of his head.

Those brown eyes full of recognition, surprise, and maybe it's just his imagination, but regret too.


	3. spring

When spring comes, Phil is a bit happier.

The biting cold is slowly being washed away by gentle, warm breezes and blossoms are invading bare branches.

Snow melts into water that grows grass, and flowers peek out of the ground to view the beauty.

Coats are shed and replaced with light sweaters, it's still too cold for short sleeves.

Phil woke up early so that he could walk to work and enjoy the air.

He's walking happily, humming under his breath and side-stepping shallow puddles when he sees him again.

It's just him this time, the blond seeming to have not chosen to accompany him today.

It's only when Phil walks closer to Dan's place on the pavement, planning to walk past without a pretense that they ever knew each other, _loved_ each other, when he sees that Dan is on the phone.

_"Dan! Come on!" Phil shouted despairingly, "I'm sorry I can't go!"_

_Dan looked at him, tears welling in his mocha eyes, "You don't understand Phil! My family doesn't believe you exist! They've seen pictures of you, they've fucking talked to you, but they think I hired an actor or something! My parents think I'm so useless that I have to hire an actor to play my boyfriend!"_

_Phil took a step forward, spreading his arms to hug Dan, but the brown-haired boy backed away. Phil sighed, tears pooling in his own eyes, "Bear, I know that your cousin's wedding is important to you, but if I go, I might get laid off"_

_Dan's desperate melancholy suddenly turned to a steely bitterness, "Fine. If you don't want to prove to my parents that you're my boyfriend, maybe you aren't my boyfriend"_

_Phil gives out a heartbreaking gasp, and the tears streak down his cheeks, racing quickly down his jaw, "D-Dan, please, I can facetime them, please, we can't break up over this"_

_Dan shakes his head, his beautiful face streaked with tears, "This was just the breaking point Phil, we're not healthy, we fight so much, you got angry at me over fucking coffee, Phil, we're not right for each other"_

_Phil lets out a shuddering sob, but he nods, and heads out the door, he leaves the apartment, but the light spring colors just aren't enough to lift the heaviness off of his heart._

Dan is sobbing now, whisper-yelling into his cellphone, and Phil can barely hear what he's saying, except for a broken "Please don't do this" and an "I don't know what I'll do"

Dan heaves out a watery breath as he hangs up his phone and Phil takes a breath. He tells himself he can do this, and in a voice just above a squeak, he asks Dan, "Are you okay?"

Dan turns around quickly, surprise apparent, and his eyes widen when he sees Phil, "Phil? What are you doing here?"

Phil instantly regrets this, but it's too late to back out now, "I was walking to work, and I saw you crying, so I just wanted to make sure you were okay"

Dan nods, "M-my boyfriend broke up with me, and he kicked me out, and I have no where to go"

Phil frowns, wishing again to not be talking about this, but he nods understandingly, "I'm sorry, why'd he break up with you?"

Dan shrugs sadly, "He didn't tell me, he just told me he didn't want to be with me anymore and to pack up my stuff and leave"

Phil is honestly surprised, "What?! He just kicked you out?!"

Dan nods, tears beginning to fall again, and Phil thinks quickly, "If you need anywhere to stay, I've got an extra room"

Dan looks at Phil incredulously through his screen of tears, and chuckles, "I can't stay with my ex just because my boyfriend broke up with me"

Phil stares Dan straight on, and says, in a tone of voice that cannot be argued with, "We don't have to be exes, we can be friends"

Dan tilts his head, as if he's thinking deeply, and eventually he nods, "Thank you, but just for a few days, I don't want to impose, where do you live"

Phil looks down at his watch and he sees he only has 10 minutes for the 15 minute walk to his job, so he only shoves his key into Dan's hands, gives him his address, "The spare room is the last one on the right, if you go out, leave the key under the welcome mat so I can get in, I really have to go to work, bye!"

He runs away quickly, leaving Dan flabbergasted.


	4. summer

A few days turned into a few months. And the spring months turned into summer. And now Phil and Dan shared an apartment, with no air conditioning and fans that just blew the hot air around.

They didn't care though, because outside everything was green. Everything was bold and bright and healthy in the strong sunlight.

So, in an effort to get out of the stuffy apartment, Dan and Phil decide to take a walk.

The friends walk down the sidewalk, past buildings, across roads, and somehow, they end up in the park.

The same park where Phil saw Dan playing in the leaves, the same park where Phil saw Dan skating, the same park that, an even longer time ago, Dan and Phil had built a snowman with a crooked pebble smile.

Dan seems to recognize the park too, because he lets out a small giggle, "Oh my gosh, we're _here_ " 

"What does _here_ mean?"

"It means fucking _here_! It means this is the park where I saw you again! It's the park we made all of our memories! It's the park across the street from where we said good bye!"

Phil realizes, then, that their old apartment was indeed across the street, and he remembers all of the other memories they had made here.

Through so many seasons, they kept coming back here. When they broke up, they unconsciously kept coming back here. Now they were together again, as _friends_ , and Phil feels the familiar prickling of tears at his eyes.

Before they can fall though, Dan kisses him.

It's a kiss full of fury, full of fire, full of remembering, but also forgetting.

It's a kiss, that when it's done, Phil knows there's no time for bringing back memories, because there's new ones to make, starting now, in the blistering heat of summer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> c'est fini. i hope you enjoyed!!


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